Secret Fear

Secrets etched deep in the soul, tattooed on the surface of my heart and soul
Hidden for years, even from myself
The fear locked away, waiting to escape
Just one misspoken word or one careless action unlocks the door
The fear and helplessness overwhelm me
He is miles away, yet here in this room
Waiting, watching, plotting
I feel the heat of his rage
I hear the uneven breathing
He is out of control
There is nowhere left to run
The safest haven, the strongest arms, cannot protect me from a memory

A child cries in the night
A trusted friend betrays
The pain sends her to a safer place, away from her body, away from him
Her soul cries out for help but no one comes
She is all alone and so very small
Her young mind believes the words while her body recognizes the lies
He is in control now, every move pre-planned
She will someday get away, but she will never escape
He will always be there
Waiting, watching, plotting
The safest haven, the strongest arms, cannot protect her from a memory

Three lives forever connected, tied by secrets and fear

4/28/2005

Comfort Food

Groping in the darkness
I seek the light of the fridge
Looking, hoping, half believing
I will find that missing substance
Turning from the cold
I search the deep confines of the cupboards
Still coming up empty
Nowhere in this house or even on this earth
Can I find the magic food
That will satisfy the hunger
Left in my soul
When Suz left this world

-25 Feb 2005-

Kiss, But Never Tell

Why can't you hear me?
I am silently calling your name.
My eyes are pleading with you.
Why can't you see the pain?
What happened to our talks in the moonlight?
I shared my every thought and felt your understanding.
Did I imagine the bond between us?
Or was it more like a spider's web?
Strong, yet fragile.
Maybe someone hated our web;
Decided to break a few strands and destroy my world.
Do you know who did it?

I found someone I could love
In a way you and I couldn't share.
Can't I love you without being in love?
I do love you.
More than anyone will ever know.
I'm not in love with you.
Maybe things would have been easier if we WERE in love.
But how can you love one, and be in love with another?
How could we spend our whole life devoted to unmarried love?
You were all I could ask for.
We shared every part of each other,
Except the one thing we couldn't share.
Why must two people get close,
Then be torn apart by blood?
We had so much in common.
Maybe too much.
Now I call your name
But you don't listen.
My eyes plead with you
But you can't see my pain.
Where are you?