The Heat of Winter

Hiding & waiting,
Hoping I see him before he sees me.
I love the times I can watch him,
Being himself, with nothing held back.
I remember last night,
Watching him through my window,
Hoping to catch his eye,
My heart beating so fast,
I was sure I would die right there,
Glad the last thing I would see
Was him, now smiling at me,
Whispering, "I love you"
I opened the door and invited him in,
He walked to the doorway,
Sadly shook his head,
Leaned toward me,
Whispered, "Good night",
And walked away.

I see him now,
Twenty-four hours later,
Trying to spot my red coat
Among all the others.
He disappears from my sight,
I take a step forward,
Just as he comes from behind,
Grabs me around the waist,
And makes me scream with delight.
With his mouth on my ear,
He softly whispers,
"Can I keep you?"
While I am thinking,
"Never let me go."
The others surround us,
Telling us to get a room,
But in our hearts
We are already "home".
            4/28/12

The Unbeliever

She stands just outside the door,
Hoping if she waits long enough,
He will turn around and invite her in.
As the door closes behind him,
She holds his image in her mind,
As she slowly walks away
Holding her heart in her throat.
If only she had been more sure;
Been able to trust his love;
Told him he was all she needed.
Instead, she held back just a little,
Always keeping that one piece
Tied up in a corner of her heart.
Just enough to keep her safe
In case he was like the rest.
Now, she almost laughs,
Thinking of how that piece
She held so tightly,
Thinking it would make her safe,
Was now just as bruised and broken
As the rest of her.
She reaches the street,
Takes one more look back,
Before she turns a corner,
And says goodbye.
            4/28/12

Remember...No More

I remember his gaze locked on mine, a little shiver, the urge, scared to move
I also remember a head start, just a tiny one, he might catch me
I remember the day he held a gun to my heart and pulled the trigger

I remember thinking bad things don't happen to good people
I also remember I did nothing wrong, but bad things happened anyway
I remember the day even Christ, who was perfect, suffered, for me and for you

I remember thinking I'll never love another, the way I loved him
I also remember that moment I knew his secret
I remember everything was just a little darker after that

I remember the women we thought would throw themselves in your grave
I also remember saying I would just say goodbye and walk away
I remember feeling like a part of me died, robbed of the last word, forgiveness

I remember the baby food, Cindy Brady, quick kisses by my locker
I also remember karaoke, taramisu, and BALD honesty
I remember letting go while I wanted to scream, "Come back!!!!"

I remember how much it hurt, the worst days of my life
I also remember not wanting to remember; holding pain makes it real
I remember the Light growing brighter, I opened my eyes, and found you
                                               4/15/12