Just Friends

I say I want to be friends
You agree, but I see the pain
Crossing your face for a moment
Before the smile shows up again
We spent so many days together
Hundreds of nights too
I loved someone else
But couldn’t give up on you
The years passed, we grew apart
While my heart never forgot
The way it felt to hold you
Hoping we never got caught
Life has a way of moving on
I've guess I've been happy enough
But all these years without you
To hold me, has been a little tough

You say you just want to be friends
I agree, there just isn’t that flame
I love our time together
But it just isn’t the same
As all the times I loved before
And felt that little spark
Whenever I was sitting close
To someone in the dark
Is there really something wrong
With loving you much stronger
Than the way I loved them way back then
If this love lasts so much longer?
The moments when I'm with you
Even more when we are apart
My mind is constantly on you
I love you with all of my heart
          5/24/12

Music Soothes the Soul

I remember the first time I heard it
I thought it was a recording
Just to help us stay on key
My breath caught in my throat
I felt goose bumps on my arm
And a tingle went up my back
When it unexpectedly stopped
I looked around to see who had shut it off
All I could see was the boys
Standing just to my left
All their mouths moving, except one
Just as I turned back to read the next verse
The beautiful sound started up again
I couldn’t believe it
I didn’t know music could sound like this
Or at least not outside the Tabernacle Choir
Or some other group, like Manheim Steamroller
Not here, in small town Idaho
And definitely not from this little group
Of grieving grandchildren
Trying to hold back tears
While sending off their grandmother
With a song
I remember so many other times
I heard that music again
In church, at the holidays, even on long drives
Each time, taking me by surprise
Making me look around in wonder
Thinking it must be coming from Heaven
But finding only a single voice
Singing to my heart and soul
Making me feel enveloped in peace
Longing to always feel this way
So many years passed
With the music gone
Almost forgotten
Then a momentary thought
Brought it back
Still as strong and beautiful
In my memory
Still taking my breath
Giving me goose bumps
And the shiver up my back
          5/24/12

I Will Remember You

I watch them together
The woman near the end of her life
And the girl just 10 years into hers
They share stories about their lives
One remembering every detail of her childhood
While having trouble remembering what she had for breakfast.
The other is so full of stories about "today"
You would think she had already lived 3 lifetimes
The woman asks the girl a question
I can see the confusion and slight frustration
Cross both their faces
One knows she should know the answer
The other has given the answer many times already
("How old are you now?" "Ten")
Today is one of the "bad" ones
Her memory is only minutes long
She looks at the girl, a little sad
"What will we do when I can't remember you?"
The girl walks over to her
Hugs her tight
And with a slight sadness in her voice
Whispers, "I will remember you"
          5/19/12

Loving Acceptance

It was just one ordinary moment
In one ordinary day
During an ordinary week
In the middle of an ordinary month
In the most fantastic year I have had
For a very long time

I look back on it
Think of every detail
The smile, the mischievous look
The way my heart leaped
Making me feel warm, but…
With a shiver down my spine

I remember how in that moment
My heart knew the truth
Before my mind was ready
I was surprised to find
I am not as unfeeling
As I thought I was

I could have died
Gone to Paradise
And I wouldn’t be any happier
Than that one moment in time
When I looked into your eyes
And saw…Acceptance

-16 May 2012-

Cherishing the Fall

I remember that first moment,
Looking into your eyes,
Feeling myself drowning
In the blue ocean I found there
It was like going to a thrift store
And finding something
Worth a million dollars
I was just looking for a casual flirtation
But found myself mesmerized
I think it scared me a little
Thinking of how easily I could fall
I thought I knew my future, and
You weren't the one I pictured
I laugh at myself now,
Thinking about what I gave up
The pain of my choices
Compared to the fear of the unknown
I gambled on the safe path
Left the joy of a beautiful Fall
Only to spend decades in the brittle cold
Of a stormy winter and a muddy spring
I see the changes in myself
The colors brightening
The warmth filling me
Knowing this season may not last
But determined to make the most of it
I won't let the dread of Winter
Keep me from cherishing the Fall
            5/3/12