Tara, Misu & Their Just Desserts (Ch. 5)

Tara snapped back to the present to hear Allen saying, “Are you still there?”

“Yes, Allen. Of course I remember you. It was you who broke my heart though. You got married and I had to hear about it from Anne. That’s old news, though. What are you doing in Salt Lake? Much less, in Anne’s hospital room?”

“I moved here right after Kirsten and I were married,” he said. “Where are you living now?”

“I haven’t moved very far from home. I am only a couple blocks from campus here in Rexburg. Who is Kirsten? I thought your wife’s name was Teresa or something like that.”

“Tery, Teresa, and I divorced almost seven years ago. We both knew almost from the beginning that our marriage was doomed, but we held on for almost eight years. At least we didn’t have any kids to fight over when it ended, so it was over with pretty quickly. Anne told me you got married shortly after I did. Was it ‘what’s his name’? Do you have any kids?”

It was Tara’s turn to admit failure. “No, I didn’t marry Roland, if that is who you mean. I was married to a guy named Dan Feltz for almost four years, and our son Patrick was almost a year old when we divorced. Dan never wanted children, and when we found out I was pregnant, it was the beginning of the end. I didn’t trick him into it. We were trying to get pregnant, but when it finally worked, he got scared and accused me of having an affair. I just don’t think he was ready to be a father.”

“ That was one of the things that drove us apart.” Allen said. “ I wanted children desperately, and Tery led me to believe she wanted them too, but after we had been married for almost a year with no results, I ran across her birth control pills under the sink in the spare bathroom. When I confronted her about it, she said she ‘didn’t want to be tied down and if I really loved her, I wouldn’t force her to have children’. I gave in, and got a vasectomy, but I resented it for the next seven years. The clincher was when she ended up pregnant. It seems she had this “friend” at work that she did want children with.”

“So how did you meet Kirsten? How long have you known her?” Tara asked.
“I was stationed in Germany, and she was one of the locals who worked in the commissary. I ended up staying after my tour was up, and we got married a year ago.

Then my mom and dad moved to St. George and I decided to move to Utah to be closer to them,” he explained. Then as if he had just realized what she had said in the beginning, he asked, “What do you mean I broke your heart by getting married? You were the first one to stop writing. I thought you went back to that guy who broke your heart.”

“I did go to Arizona that summer, with high hopes of proving he could trust me so he would stop testing my love, but I figured out really fast that he would never change and I had changed. After that Christmas, I couldn’t settle for the way things had been before. I wanted someone who would make me feel the way you had.”

“Then why didn’t you keep in touch?” Allen asked. “I just assumed you had gotten back with him and didn’t need me in the way. I convinced myself that I had imagined the connection between us. I even went back through your old letters and realized that you were writing like I was a friend, which was not the way I felt about you.”
Before he had even stopped talking, Tara was in tears. She wanted to say, {I read every one of your letters over and over trying to convince myself that when you signed them ‘With love’ or called me ‘Sweetheart’ or ‘My Love’, that you just talk that way to everyone. You know, how your mother was always calling me ‘Honey’? I even asked Anne what she thought about us ever getting together, and she reminded me that you weren’t going to get serious about anyone until after your mission. I wouldn’t let myself believe you meant all those things the way they were written, because I was afraid to get my hopes up. When I would write back, I didn’t want to sound like I was lovesick or something, because then if you didn’t feel the same way, you would be uncomfortable.} but instead she just said, “I thought you were going to go on a mission before you got serious, so I didn’t want to make it harder for you to go. I had a passionate letter in my head. I just never sent it.”

He laughed, then got serious again. “I never went on a mission. I don’t know if you realized that. T.K. was killed in a motorcycle accident right after I put in my papers, and I ended up staying home to help my parents. I always meant to go later, but it never happened. I joined the Army instead.”

“You sound happy, though. I’m glad,” Tara said. “I guess it’s a little too late, but I did love you a lot, and your letters made my day. If we could go back in time, I would do things differently, but we can’t, so I am glad you have found someone.” Then to change the subject, she asked, “How is Anne doing? I am glad you are there to see her. I wish I could get down there more often, but with Patrick in school and Shali in the terrible two’s, I have a hard time going to the store, much less three hours away.”

“So who’s Shali?” Allen asked. “You mentioned Patrick, but did you have a daughter with Dan too? Or did you remarry?”

Tara answered with a bit of sarcasm. “The answers are ‘my daughter’, ‘yes’, and ‘yes’, but Shali isn’t from my second marriage.”

Allen laughed, “Now I’m confused. Shali is your daughter, you had a daughter with Dan, and you remarried, but you divorced Dan a long time ago.” He paused, then got excited. “Okay, I get it. You remarried Dan, right?”

“Remember I said Shalimar wasn’t from my second marriage,” she teased him. “ I was married to a guy named Jake Benson for a couple of years. Shalimar was a surprise that came to me after a one night stand with Dan a year after I divorced Jake. To make a long story short, he was acting like the kind of father I wanted for our son, and the kind of companion I wanted for me. I began to think we could finally work things out, and one night I trusted him enough to let him stay longer than I should have. He used some threats and promises against me to get what he wanted, then I kicked him out for good. Then six and a half months later, I thought I felt a kick in my stomach, went to the doctor, and Shalimar was on her way. She truly was a miracle, because Dan and I both thought we weren’t capable of having any more children. I haven’t regretted having her for a second. I am glad she and Patrick have the same father, but I sometimes wish their father wasn’t Dan.” She laughed, and went on. “He has been more of a father figure to them both since Shali was born, but he has had more chances to be abusive to me. I am really getting tired of dealing with him.”

“Sounds a little like Annie’s ex. Did you realize he won’t let her boys come see her?” Allen asked. “Not only does he take advantage of the fact that she is sick, but he seems to want to punish her for being sick. That makes me sick!”

Tara laughed at his play on words, then said, “I still have a hard time believing how Everett has turned out. He was the ideal man for her in high school. Or at least I thought so at the time. He was comfortable doing whatever we were doing. Not like most guys. Maybe that should have been our first clue, huh?” Tara knew more than she was saying, and debated telling Allen how close she and Everett had actually become, but decided it wasn’t the right time to go into it.

Allen was saying, “I don’t even care what his sexual orientation is. I am really liberal. What I have a problem with is men who walk on their hands.” When Tara didn’t seem to get the joke, he went on. “You know, so instead of seeing their faces, you just see an a. . . . ”

Tara cut him off with her laughter and said, “Whoa, I get it. You don’t have to get specific.” Then she teased, ” The Army must have taught you a lot of pretty words like that. I remember you getting a dirty look from your mother for just saying ‘gosh dang’ or something like that.”

Allen said, “I better go. They are bringing Annie back, and she looks like she is sleeping pretty soundly. I will leave a note telling her you called, and if I am here when she calls back, maybe we can chat some more.”

Tara hung up, and started thinking about Everett Lake. She still had a hard time thinking of the man Anne dated in high school being the same one who was making her life miserable now.