“If only one of us had been more honest with Anne back then and told her what Everett was going through, maybe a lot of heartache could have been prevented,” thought Tara. “I am so glad Anne doesn’t blame me for keeping his secret. She understands that not even Everett was really sure how he felt.”
She checked on the baby to make sure she was still asleep, and sat down to look over the CISS test that she had put aside several weeks before. “So what does the Lord have in store for me?” she wondered. “With my luck, the test will say I am supposed to be a scientist or something else I hate. Please, please let it be something I like.” Then as she turned page after page, she started to realize that she had wasted the eight dollars she paid. The only two things that even registered above 50% were “Religious Studies” and “Writing”. “Oh great!” she thought. “I am supposed to support my kids by sending short stories to the Ensign or something? Maybe I should write an article about how the college tricks you into taking these tests.” She laughed, but felt like crying. She had never been sure what she wanted to do with her life, but lately she felt a strong need to find out. She had fought depression most of her life, and nothing had really mattered to her until now. It had been a long time coming, but she thought she was finally starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Now she just wanted to have something to do once she got out. Hiding out at home and living on welfare just wasn’t as comfortable as it used to be. She needed to really live life now that she had found one. She knew she still had a long way to go, and she would always have the same past that had put her into the depression in the first place, but she was determined to choose what happened to her as much as possible, and make the best possible choices for herself instead of letting other people choose for her. “I never knew until this moment how much I wanted to move on with my life and accomplish something. Now I am still lost about what I am supposed to do. This really sucks!” she thought, as she put the test results in her filing cabinet with all the personality tests and psych evaluations that she had taken over the years.
Just as she was getting ready to have a full-blown pity party, the phone rang.
“Hello,” she said as cheerfully as she could, while wishing whoever it was on the other line had called some other time. When she recognized Dan’s voice, she really wished she had just let the phone ring. He was saying, “ . . . so I thought if you could drop the kids off, I could take them up to my dad’s with me. He never gets to see them and I would really like to see them too.”
Tara was thinking, “Not a chance! I wouldn’t leave the kids alone with you under any circumstance, especially not at your dad’s,” but she found herself saying, “I guess I can drop them off, but can you bring them home? I have to do some shopping in town in the next couple of hours, so I can drop them off, but once I get home, I really don’t want to go back into town.”
“Forget it! Obviously you are still holding a grudge about my plans to send your friend back to jail. I’m not going to play these games. If you don’t want me to have a relationship with my children, just tell me. Don’t keep coming up with excuses to keep them from me. One of these days you are going to look around and realize your kids are gone, and you are going to wish you had been nicer to me. I have been keeping track of every time you leave them behind so you can go play around in Boise or Salt Lake, and every time you got back later than you said you would, and every time you have refused to let me see my kids, so if you think you are going to look like the good guy when we start fighting for custody, you are wrong.”
Tara tried to cut in and fight back, but he just talked right over her.
“ I have a stable home with two built in babysitters, and my mother has been supporting these kids every month since Shalimar was born. That is more than you can say. You are a single mother living off welfare and my child support, with a history of mental problems. Don’t think for a minute that I won’t bring up your mental instability if I decide to take you to court. What about the fact that you married a child molester? What court is going to like that? Patrick told me that you knew about Glen’s past even before you started to date him. I can’t believe you even let him near our son, much less married the guy. You screwed up, babe! I could be your best friend, but if you want me for an enemy, go right ahead. I know too much about you, and I will do whatever it takes to see my kids. I didn’t want to take them away from you. I just wanted us to be a family and work things out. You got yourself into this mess. Good luck getting out.”
With that, he slammed the phone down, and Tara was left staring at the dead receiver. Then she walked to her desk, and pulled out a tablet to write a letter to Dan. She knew she would never have the guts to send it, because the last thing she wanted to do was make him more mad, but she felt the need to explain herself to him.
“Yeah, Dan. I do have a mental problem. I have fought depression most of my life. But did you ever make things easier for me? Was I supposed to feel better about myself the time you told me you only married me for the sex? How about the day I found out I was pregnant with the son you can’t live without now? You accused me of having an affair, and even suggested I “get rid of him”. I have struggled with not being good enough for anyone or anything my whole life, and one of the people who claimed to love me goes back and forth between sucking up to me and trying to hurt me in every way possible. Do you realize that you just said that all you want is to be a family, and work things out, when a moment before you were saying I didn’t deserve to have my kids, and you were going to take them away? How messed up is that? I am not the only one who is “mental”. I can’t believe you would bring up me not having a job! I do substitute teaching at least once a month. That is one day a month more than you work! You support the kids? You mean your mom supports them. The signature on the checks sure isn’t yours. I know your mom and step dad love the kids, but they certainly don’t want to raise them. I doubt they even know about your plans, because your step dad would probably kick your butt into next week if he knew you were threatening me. He always loved me more, anyway.” She laughed at herself and felt a little foolish for writing that, but she went on. “As far as Glen goes, it is none of your business, but he didn’t molest a child. He was eighteen and he had a fifteen-year-old girlfriend whose parents didn’t like him. They caught the two of them making out in her bedroom one night and filed statutory rape charges. He knew it was wrong to go that far with her in the first place, but I see it as two teenagers whom both knew what they were doing and not something to go to jail over. It messed up his life. He didn’t ever finish high school and has to register as a sex offender over a consensual act. He was never a threat to our son, and I would even trust him with our daughter if I was still married to him. I left him because I was having a hard time being a wife and mother after so many people died that year. He treated me better than you ever did, and he loved Patrick, and wanted to be a father to him, unlike you. Patrick loved him too. He was his daddy when you were too busy running from the law to drop a birthday card in the mail or call him. You deserted your son and didn’t care if he was dead or alive for seven years. You were running from the law to avoid going to jail for breaking into washing machines and cash machines. So yeah, that is one reason I’m not bending over to kiss your butt right now. I am mad that you felt the need to trick me into inviting you to my New Year’s party just so you could have my friend arrested. I am not saying it was okay for him to be hiding out to avoid jail either, but at least his warrant was only for failure to appear. He wasn’t hurting anyone or taking anything from anyone. If you want to blow up at me for not wanting to pick up the kids after you get to take them for the day, there is nothing I can do about that, but I have let you have them every time you have asked unless I honestly had other plans that included them. I would never purposely keep them from you. I can’t believe you would threaten to take them from me. You won’t even take the baby overnight because it would be too much trouble, but you think you want her permanently? I don’t know if you really mean to take them, but I won’t keep my mouth shut about the things you have done and said to me either. I won’t bring your dirty little secrets into a custody battle, but I will tell the judge about the time you threatened my life, and the time you told me to “get rid of” Patrick, and the seven years that you were hiding out in Nevada and didn’t care enough about your son to keep in contact with him. Now you suddenly know how to be a dad? Now you are such a good parent? You don’t want to watch the kids while I “go play in Boise or Salt Lake”? Then don’t take them. I can leave them with my family. They don’t count the seconds that I am late. Speaking of that, I went to Boise so my friend Anne could take her state boards, and I go to Salt Lake to visit her in the hospital while she recovers from her stroke. Talk about a party! I sit in a little room listening to the constant beep of all the machines that are hooked to her, and try to have a conversation with her that makes sense. Don’t get me wrong, I love her and would do just about anything for her, but it is not fun. I would take the kids with me if I was doing anything they would enjoy, but you really would have a case for bad parenting on my part if I made them go sit in her room with me. I am not going to give in this time. I am not going to apologize or beg you or go out of my way to make you happy anymore. I am just going to do the best I can do, and if some court out there says it isn’t good enough, I guess I will lose my kids, but until then, if you want to see them, you have to meet me halfway. Emotionally and physically. I am not going to let you decide what I am allowed to do or say or feel anymore. You lost that right when we got divorced, but I was still letting you be in charge out of fear of retribution. No more. I am in charge of myself now, and until or unless you take away my rights to the kids, I am in charge of them too, so back off and leave me alone!” Tara read it, first laughing, then crying, then ripping it up and throwing it away. She was still too afraid of him to say any of those things to him yet. She just thanked her Heavenly Father for the beautiful children sleeping in their beds and begged him not to let Dan take them away.
As she was drifting off to sleep that night, she thought about how good it felt to express her feelings on paper, even if she never sent it to Dan. “Maybe I could write a book about divorce . . . a comedy . . . ,” she thought, as sleep overtook her.
.....................................................................................
As she sat in her counselor’s office the following Monday, he was excited about the book idea. “You have nothing to lose, Tara. Even if it never gets published, it would help you to get your ideas and feelings down on paper. You could even fit the Religious Studies in by mentioning you married outside your religion and how that affected the marriage too.”
“At this point, I feel like I married outside my species. I am so mad at him!”, she cried. “After the phone call, and the letter I tore up, I sat down and wrote up a visitation schedule so he could have the kids on a specific day at a specific time. I gave it to him last night, and he just tore it up and told me he should be able to see his kids any time he wants, and “doesn’t have to ask my permission.” I admit I was doing it mostly so he couldn’t tell everyone I was keeping the kids from him, but I could have just gone to court and done it that way. I was trying to give him a chance to make any changes he wanted before we made it legal. Now I feel like he doesn’t even care if he sees them. If he had them, I would do whatever I could to see them.” She burst into tears, and grabbed a tissue to blow her nose.
Her counselor let her calm down a little then asked, “I know that hurts, but doesn’t this make things a little easier? Now the ball is in your court, and you have done your part, so you can do whatever you want now. I suggest you give him some minimal visitation through the courts so he has a chance to show what kind of parent he wants to be. If he shows up, your kids get to have a relationship with their dad. If he doesn’t, you have a legal document to show them you weren’t the one keeping them apart. You are in a good situation now. You have the power. Don’t give it back to him, whatever you do. Do whatever you think is right for your children, and leave his feelings and rights out of it. He is a grownup. He can fight for his own rights.”
Tara knew he was right, but she was still a little scared to “make waves” with Dan. She had learned from experience that you were either his friend or his enemy, and she didn’t want him for an enemy. “Jeff, I wish I had the courage to really tell him all the things I wrote last week,” she told her counselor. “When my babysitter’s son used to terrorize me with knives and guns, threatening my life, I would hide in the closet, listening for him, always waiting for the moment he would find me and kill me. The waiting was the worst part. I finally got the courage . . . no actually it was more like I gave up . . . to just say ‘Go ahead and shoot me if you want, but I am not going to run, and I’m not going to hide anymore. Stop right now, and either leave me alone from now on, or kill me right now, because I am tired of running.’ I was just a child then, and I stood up to him.”
“Did it work? Did he leave you alone?”, Jeff asked, pleased to hear her talk about something she had kept deep inside all this time.
“Not completely, at first,” she replied. “He put down the gun, and walked away, but I had to ‘not run’ a couple of times before he stopped chasing me. He knocked me down on the driveway the first time I didn’t back down, and the second time, he threw a rock at me, but he missed and then just walked away. I still see him sometimes, and he seems to have his temper under control now. I heard a rumor that he went to jail for beating up his sister-in-law over an argument at Thanksgiving dinner, got counseling, got on some medication, and became a whole new person.”
“How did you feel the first time you stood up to him? When he pushed you down, did you wish you had run away?”
Tara was startled by her own response. “Absolutely not! I didn’t regret it then, and looking back now, I think I was almost disappointed that all he did was push me down. I almost wanted him to do something that would justify all the times I ran. When all he could do was push me, I wondered why I had been so afraid of him before. I felt kinda foolish.”
Jeff smiled, making it obvious that he expected her to say exactly that. “So what is the worst Dan could do? Do you think he would really “kill you” by taking your kids or taking away the child support, or would he just throw a few rocks of insults and threats, missing you completely?”
Tara laughed at his way of putting things and said, “I know you want me to say ‘You’re right! I am going to stand up to him today!’, but I am still too afraid.” When Jeff smiled at her in a way that made her feel like she was copping out, she added, “At least I wrote the letter. That took a lot of guts, even if I just tore it up.” When he still didn’t look convinced, she laughed and said, “I did give him the visitation schedule. I was scared, but I did it, and look what happened. He tore it up and got madder.”
“Rocks, just rocks,” he replied with an even bigger smile on his face.
“These rocks hurt,” she said, dropping her head so he wouldn’t see the tears building behind her lashes. She knew he was right, and he was just trying to joke with her, but she could still remember her son crying himself to sleep when Dan would say he was coming to see him, then never showed up. She was hoping she wouldn’t have to explain his broken promises to his daughter, too. When he had rejected the schedule she drew up, she felt like he was rejecting his kids. “I just want the kids to be happy, and I’m not sure fighting with him is what is best for them.”
“You don’t have to fight with him, Tara. Just don’t run or hide anymore. What’s best for your children is for you to be the best you can be, and let Dan be the kind of father he is going to be, even if it means he is a lousy one. Your children deserve the chance to find out for themselves, without you covering for him or making excuses. They deserve a mother who is not afraid of what might happen. I don’t know Dan as well as you do, I know, but he sounds like a hot air balloon to me. Why don’t you just set him free to float away and hope for a strong wind?”
Tara laughed again, and noticing she was already ten minutes past her scheduled time, got up to leave. “I will try to hold my ground next time,” she promised, then turned back to joke, “but only because you are making me.”
Jeff tried to look mad as he shook his finger at her, but she heard him laughing as the door closed behind her.
.....................................................................................
When Tara woke up on Sunday morning, she went through the list of reasons she should go to church, but none of them could compete with her need to sleep or her feelings of being an outsider in a family ward. She had gradually gotten more and more inactive since her divorce from Glen, but had stopped completely after Shalimar was born.
.....................................................................................
“I haven’t heard from you in ages, Gills. How is single life working for you?”, Bella teased. “I am so glad I found Tony two years ago. I don’t envy you at all, being on the single scene again. I remember the dances full of rejects who always seemed to smell like they bathed in my father’s cologne.”
Tara laughed at this, and thought of how many times she had left the dances feeling more lonely than when she had arrived.
Bella went on complaining, “I remember how I hated sitting between the perfect family with 10 kids on one side and the newlyweds holding hands and gazing into each other’s eyes on the other side of me.”
Again Tara broke in to say, “That is even worse after you have been married and divorced. You just know they are going to go home and have a fight over the fact that he was doing a crossword puzzle on his electronic organizer in Sunday School or she forgot to turn on the crock pot before they left, but in front of the ward, they are all perfect and lovey-dovey. I would curse the decision to take away our singles branch and stick us in the family wards again, then feel guilty about not having the faith to understand it.”
Bella said, “Exactly! I remember sitting in Relief Society, hearing the lessons about the blessings of the Priesthood in the home, or even worse the blessings of children, and I would end up in the bathroom crying my eyes out, or end up going home early. Did you know I even asked them not to send visiting teachers to my home any more because I felt like I was so different from the “real women” in the ward? They all had husbands and kids and knew how to bake bread, keep their house clean, have dinner on the table by six, volunteer on the PTA, research their genealogy, bake a casserole for the new mother in the ward or the sister in the nursing home, while keeping their hair, nails and clothes all looking perfect. I could barely get out of bed some days because there didn’t seem to be anything to get up for.”
Tara’s eyes were filling with tears, and she was thinking, “Finally someone who really understands what it is like to be single and LDS.”
As if Bella could read her mind, she said, “I just read an article by an inactive member in your area called something like ‘Single and LDS: A Sin or a Curse?’. I don’t remember all of it, but I do remember it was a piece that really brought back memories. The author said, ‘Being single and LDS is like being biracial. You aren’t completely black or completely white, so you don’t really fit in anywhere. A single person in a family-oriented religion feels much the same way. The married members of the ward either pity or fear them, and other singles avoid them out of fear of being lumped together. If a married sister with six children is sharing a bench with a single male, most people think nothing of it, but put that same male on the bench next to a single female, and everyone has them married by the end of sacrament meeting'.” Bella stopped to tell one of her triplets to get down off the entertainment center, then went on. “She said, 'Growing up in an LDS family, you are taught to follow a basic plan toward the Celestial Kingdom. First you get blessed, then comes baptism and confirmation. If you are male, you go on to hold the priesthood and strive for the Eagle, and if you are female, you work on your ‘Personal Progress’ and strive to get the coveted Young Womanhood Award. Then the young men go on a mission while the young women start praying for a husband. If she hasn’t found one by the time she is twenty-one, she will go on a mission too, at exactly the moment the men her age are coming off their missions. As each person gets married, and sealed in the temple, they start planning the beginning of their own little cycle with the new generation. After the children are grown, if the couple can still stand to be in the same room with each other, they will go on a mission together'.”
Tara’s thoughts broke in as she thought about the fights her parents used to have when she was a teenager, and how it had taken them a long time to figure out that her father had a chemical imbalance that made him have mood swings. Her mother didn’t know how to cope with his ups and downs, so she had become a workaholic. They were still married after all these years, but their whole life seemed to be centered around their children, and they seemed to have nothing left for each other. For a split second she wondered if all the right steps her parents took were really enough to guarantee a place in heaven, or if there was something they were missing. They were going to church, attending the temple, paying their tithing, and all the other things Tara could think of that is required, but somewhere along the line, her parents seemed to fall out of love.
She came back to reality to hear Bella saying, “ . . . 'if you don’t follow the plan in some way, choosing either not to get married right away, or just not able to find “the right one”, you somehow upset the whole chain of events, falling into some kind of strange alternate universe where you do all the things you have been taught to do, such as paying tithing, attending all your meetings, even attending the temple on a regular basis, but you just aren’t quite “good enough” without the spouse and children. You may even be happy with your life the way it is, taking pleasure in the day to day living and being grateful for the blessings you do have until you sit through a meeting that is all about the role of the Husband, or the joy of Motherhood, and you realize you aren’t supposed to be happy as a single LDS person. You are supposed to want an eternal mate, a houseful of children, and a degree in Child Development from Ricks College'.”
Tara laughed, then got serious. “I can see a lot of myself in that article, and have even had some of the same thoughts, but I think she is a little bit harsh. I mean, I don’t think she would feel that way if she really had a testimony. Don’t get me wrong, I have had some Church leaders who I felt were, shall I say 'not in tune with the spirit', like when Bishop Dunn told me I couldn’t get any help with food because I wouldn’t go to Dan for help first…”
With a sharp intake of breath, Bella exclaimed, “What?! I don‘t think you told me about that one.”
“Remember? It was right after Dan had broken into my house for the umpteenth time, and I had been going without child support from him for over 10 years, and he had threatened to hurt me in some way at least a couple of times, but my bishop wanted me to go ask him if he would give me some money for food. I was kind of confused and upset that he would ask me to do that, and I had a lot of late-night conversations with both God and the devil about that one. I think the Bishop thought that since we were close enough for me to get pregnant with Shalimar, we must be close enough for me to ask for money. I never was totally honest with him about how I really got pregnant with her.”
“Tara, I can’t imagine what it must be like to be in your position, but even if you had been in love with Dan when Shali was born, I don’t think it is fair for your Bishop to ask you to go to him for help after all he has put you through. It just seems like sending the sheep into the wolves den.”
“Or Daniel into the Lion’s Den”, Tara replied. “I just have to believe that it was a trial of my faith, and not let his actions drive me away. That is what I was trying to say. The person who wrote that article has probably been hurt by some of the same things I have been hurt by. It IS hard to be a single mother in a family-oriented church. Some of the very things that make it hard are the things that make it true. I wouldn’t want to belong to a church that didn’t believe that family is the most important thing, that children should have both parents, and that families exist beyond death. I want that for myself and my children. I think that is why it’s so hard for me to sit between the Molly Mormon families who don’t know how lucky they are. That doesn’t necessarily mean that I am not supposed to be happy as a single person, or that I am committing some kind of sin. It just means that I am not living the life I truly want to live. If I am not happy, it isn’t because the Church is pressuring me to be a certain way, it is because they have given me hope for a better way, and I just haven’t been able to find it yet.
“I haven’t ever really struggled with my testimony, but I sure got mad when I found out what Dom’s bishop did to him”, Bella said. “I am not sure I ever told you about that. I almost told you about it when you called me about that high school friend of yours, but I knew you had enough to worry about at the time, and I didn’t want to scare you.”
Tara asked, “Are you talking about the deprogramming they did?”
“Yes. If that’s what you want to call it. I don’t want to sound critical of the whole idea, Gills. I understand the idea behind it. I believe that we are not meant to have a sexual relationship with anyone outside of marriage, and Dom will never be able to get married to Coop’, so by the standards I live by, they are sinning. I understand that. I am not trying to excuse them or what they do behind closed doors. I just know that they love each other the same way I love Tony, and I know it isn’t something Dom or Cooper chose. I have talked to my Bishop and many other Church leaders about this over the years, and they all have told me that Dom is not sinning by having those feelings. His only sin is acting on them.”
“So, being gay is not a sin?” Tara asked. “When Everett left Anne, he explained that he had always thought he was gay, but his bishop told him if he just got married and had children, he could stop those feelings, and basically live happily ever after. When he couldn’t control those feelings, and Anne got so sick, he felt like it was kind of a punishment from God or something”.
“That’s kinda what I am trying to say about Dom’s Bishop”. Bella went on, “He kept trying to convince Dom that just being attracted to other men was a sin in itself, and that if he would just date women or even get married, he would stop “feeling gay”. He even convinced him to take some kind of hormones or something. Dom kept trying to tell his Bishop that he had prayed about it and didn’t want to drag some girl into his “mess” when he knew without a doubt that he would never be attracted to her. The Bishop finally just disfellowshipped him. Dom hasn’t been back to church since. I don’t really blame him, but I want to see my brother on the other side, and it is hard for me sometimes to understand why God would let this happen to him. I have to believe it will all work out in the end, but there are days when it seems impossible.”
“I know what you mean Bella. Anne and her boys were sealed to Everett, and if we are to believe what we are taught, he has broken that seal by living with his boyfriend, but his boys still love him, and should have the right to be with him in heaven. I am just saying, if he were to stop acting on those feelings. He just thinks, and has been told, that just having those feelings means he is going to hell, so he figures, ‘why not commit the crime if I have to do the time’, as he is fond of saying.”
All their talk about church and testimonies made Tara realize that she was being a hypocrite, so she told Bella goodbye, and rushed to get ready for church.
.....................................................................................
Sister Boston, and her daughter Zoe were sitting alone in one of the side benches, so Tara, Patrick, and Shalimar slipped in next to them just as the Priest was kneeling to offer the Sacrament prayer on the bread. Zoe was a couple of years older than Patrick, but they lived in the same apartment complex, so they played together often. It was sometimes hard for Zoe to make friends because she had been in a fire when she was a baby, and been burned over a large part of her body. Not only did she not look like other kids her age, but she walked a little slower, and kind of breathed “funny”. It was as if she was always sucking air through a straw.
When they had first moved into the apartment complex, a petition had gone around, asking that they not be allowed to move in. Tara asked the woman with the petition why she would want to ban an innocent little girl and her mother from the premises, and was told that Zoe’s father had been the one to set the blaze when she was a baby, and he had tried to kill her and her mother several times since, often putting the people around them in danger. She wanted to make sure her family wouldn’t be in the crossfire if he showed up in their neighborhood. Tara had refused to sign, and knowing that 13 of the 30 tenants had signed before the petition got to her, she went out of her way to befriend Clair and her daughter. She wanted to make sure they knew not everyone wanted them gone.
Now, sitting next to Zoe, Tara couldn’t help thinking how beautiful she was. She was scarred, for sure, but she had the most beautiful aqua-blue eyes, and you could just see her soul shining out from within. Her mother had allowed her to get her ears pierced just a few weeks before, and she was wearing little frogs that had CTR dangling from their hands. The dress she wore was long sleeved and she wore thick tights to hide her scars, but she looked like she had just stepped out of the Gap.
As Tara held the sacrament tray for Zoe, she took the bread with her left hand, then took the tray with her left hand to pass it on to her mother. A woman sitting behind them leaned up to whisper in Tara’s ear, “It is more proper to use your right hand when taking the sacrament. You might want to let her know that”.
Tara turned to whisper, “She has no fingers on her right hand, but I will be sure to let her know”. She felt a little bit guilty about how she said it, but it really upset her sometimes how people judged situations without really looking at the reasons behind them. If the lady had just taken the time to really look at Zoe, she would have realized that Zoe only used her left hand because she had to.
Then by the end of Sacrament Meeting, she had another thought, “That woman was looking at Zoe closely enough to notice that she was using her left hand, but didn’t notice the scars. Maybe I should be grateful that the lady only saw a teenage girl using her left hand, and not a badly burned girl who needs pity. Maybe I shouldn‘t be so quick to ‘judge the situation‘ either.”
.....................................................................................
Tara had just gotten the baby fed, and put the lunch dishes in the sink, when she realized the light was blinking on her answering machine.
“This is Landon...Umm, I think we have only met once, and you probably don’t even know who I am, but Everett gave me your number…and umm, well I know this is a terrible thing to hear on a machine, but I didn’t want to keep calling if it was the wrong number, cuz he said your last name was Benson, and this machine said I had reached the Feltz family, but I think your last name used to be Feltz, right, so I am pretty sure this is the right number, but if this isn’t Tara, you can disregard this message…BEEP”
Tara was getting a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach as the next message started, “Sorry, this is Landon again. Anne had another setback, and they don’t know if she is going to make it this time. Most of the family is already on their way to the hospital, but we were here in Guam, visiting my family, so Everett is trying to get a flight out for him and the boys, and asked me to call you. Samuel was frantic about it. He wouldn’t get in the car until I promised to call you. Please call back as soon as you get this message so I can let Samuel know that we reached you. My parent’s number is 671-093-9653. I am sorry I had to tell you this way….BEEP”
Tara started to tremble as she dialed the numbers. She couldn’t imagine life without Anne in it. They had been through so much together. Anne helped her get over Roland, then she helped Anne get over Everett, then Anne was the one who came in the middle of the night to help Tara move into the Battered Women’s Shelter when she left Dan. She was also there to pick up the pieces when Tara divorced Jake. It had only been a couple of years since Anne’s 2nd husband had died, and Tara was there, first with her belly “out to there” at the funeral, then with newborn Shalimar, to give Anne something to focus on other than how empty her house was. (Everett had gained full custody of the boys because he convinced the court her health was too fragile, and it was unhealthy for the boys to live in that environment)
When Landon answered, she thanked him for calling and told him to let Everett and the boys know she hoped to be at the hospital by the next morning. Then she started calling around, trying to find anyone who could watch Patrick, and possibly Shalimar, so she could go say goodbye to her friend. Her first call was to Dan. She always dreaded asking him, but if she didn’t give him the first chance to have the kids, he accused her of keeping the kids from him, so she tried to calm her nerves, and dialed.
“She will probably be dead by the time you get there anyway! I can’t believe you are wasting the gas to go clear down to Salt Lake, and expecting me to watch the kids for you! My mom doesn’t pay child support just so you can go traipsing around the country whenever you feel like it! Besides, what am I supposed to do if Patrick has homework? Or what if the baby runs out of diapers? Are you going to bring the whole package? Cuz I am not going to go out and buy more. Plus, my mom shouldn’t have to feed them while they are here. She already paid for my share of their support, so you will need to bring food for them while they are here. That is IF I decide to let them stay. I will let you know in the morning.”
Tara got off the phone and just burst into tears. Patrick came rushing over to see what was wrong, but she just told him she was upset because Anne was really sick, and she might be dying. She didn’t want to tell him what his father said. She calmed down enough to call the hospital, but the only information they would give her was that Anne was in the ICU and that she was stable. She called her sister B.C. as a back up babysitter, sat on the couch, and almost immediately fell asleep.
No comments:
Post a Comment